I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize