Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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