i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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