forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
