He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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