How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
