I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We are all done wearing pants today
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
