you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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