It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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