haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
