The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
