After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
