I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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