my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
