I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
