Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize