i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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