i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
