Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
