You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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