you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
