....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
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