it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
