Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
