woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
