im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
