I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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