Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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