Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
