Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
