I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
