I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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