You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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