You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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