I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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