Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
