Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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