I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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