I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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