Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
