Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
