You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
