But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
