Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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