I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize