I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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