One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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