He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
