I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
