I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
