P.S. I can't hear my feet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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