I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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