Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
