it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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