just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize