I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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