Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
