hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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