If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
