Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
