JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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