My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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