I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
pop tarts are not kleenex
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
