I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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