When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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