Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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