I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
