Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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