I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
