I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
