I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
