There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
