Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
