you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
