my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
