I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
