I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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