So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
