that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize