btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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