just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
