im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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