I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
